"Hey remember when you used to wear graphic tees everyday and you - "
"Remember when you used to overedit your pictures and post them on - "
"Remember in grade 7 when you -"
My dad gave our 2 month old English bulldog puppy a taste of strawberry Popsicle today. This is true happiness.
IM MAKING A PIE AND I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IODINE IN IT INSTEAD OF VANILLA EXTRACT
I ALMOST FED THIS PIE TO MY FAMILY
I WAS GOING TO FEED THIS PIE TO MY CLASSMATES
I WAS ABOUT TO MURDER PEOPLE THROUGH PIE
LIKE LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIE
DOESNT IT LOOK NICE
DONT YOU WANT TO EAT IT
TOO FUCKING BAD ITS POISONOUS YOU’LL DIE
HOW DO YOU MIX UP IODINE AND VANILLA EXTRACT
WHY DO YOU HAVE IODINE IN THE KITCHEN
WHY DO YOU HAVE IT AT ALL
Anyone who makes fun of fanfiction has never read really good fanfiction.
Nothing turns on a girl more than good fight choreography.
Man’s best friend
I like how he picks him up and is all, “There you go!”
fucked his shit up
He just puts him over the counter all “Yeah that’s right Sparky you fuck his shit up”
excuse me but that guy has a gun in his hand. I’d probably jump the guy myself instead of running the risk that he could shoot my dog
I JUST GOOGLED WHAT CAUSES PERIOD PAINS AND APPARENTLY IT’S BECAUSE THE UTERUS CONTRACTS AND THAT CUTS OFF THE FUCKING BLOOD SUPPLY
PEOPLE WITH PERIOD PAINS ARE LITERALLY FEELING THEIR UTERUS TRYING TO KILL ITSELF
hello yes 911 this is an emergency my uterus is trying to kill itself
my bed is bedder than yours
Today in a debate I told the entire class the friendzone doesn’t exist and three boys gasped like I told them their parents had died
my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories
this is me, i am pete, love me
we love you pete
I’ve never watched an episode of Game of Thrones in my life and even I know that you don’t fuck with the blonde dragon lady.
and that the kid with the crown is the human version of period cramps
and jon snow is ned stark’s bastard
that’s the show
That’s the most accurate description of Joffrey i’ve ever read.
why do moms get so pissed about how many empty water bottles you have in your room
As a mom, it’s because you aren’t throwing away your fucking trash.
k thanks can you go raise your family
peter pettigrew: snack runner, location tracker, undetectable rat-stealth, eyelash batter
remus lupin: reluctant moral compass, corruptible string-puller and loophole maker
sirius black: co-strategist, co-spell maker and implementer, casual inventor, laugh track
james potter: planner, grand unveiler, co-strategist, co-spell maker and implementer, extreme excuse-maker
Announcement: Henceforth my tumblr will be a Prince George Appreciation Blog.